My End of a Hypothetical Conversation With My Vet School Roommates That Would Inevitably End With Me Being Kicked In The Balls At Some Point

1) Animals?!  I HATE animals!

2) Unless they’re delicious.

3) Like cats.

4) So why didn’t you want to be a real doctor?

5) Oh cool, so you’ll be a real doctor.  Awesome, so if I get hurt or sick, you could help me recover?  Wait…only if I was a dog?  So you’re not a real doctor.

6) Oh, sorry if there’s some cat hair in the sink.  And I’ll clean the oven later.

7) What do you mean, what the hell did I do?

Yes, I used the oven to roast a cat.  They taste a lot better that way!

9) And yes, I used a little bit of your carrots.  Actually, all of them.  Sorry.  I’ll pick some up later.

10) No, Pico is fine, I swear I did not slow-roast your cat and eat it for dinner.

11) I’m saving it for lunch tomorrow.

12) There’s plenty if you want to have some.

13) OK, I lied, that was Pico.

14) But look what she did to my hand!  Totally scratched the shit out of it.

15) I would ask you to have a look at my hand and see if it might get infected, but you’re not real doctors.