Pre-draft Scouting Report: Serge, Evan J.
June 28, 2007
Height: 5′7
Weight: 150
Bench Press: yes
40-yard dash: DNF
Projected NBA position: Technically 1 or 2-guard, but realistically projects as towel-boy.
Shooting: Adequate mid-to-long range shooter. Decent range. Misses layups routinely.
Ball-handling: Can not dribble with left hand. Lacks speed when penetrating. Can not take eye off ball when dribbling–instant turnover.
Passing: Makes hard, crisp, efficient passes to opposing team.
Post offense: Very timid. Does not have physical strength to contend with NBA-caliber frontcourt defenders. Probably doesn’t have physical strength to contend with middle-school caliber frontcourt defenders. Only post move is “punch in the nuts and easy layup,” which he predictably misses when he is not immediately ejected.
Court awareness-offense: Does not have the “sixth-sense” that a true point guard possesses. Can not remember basic offensive sets and plays.
On-ball defense: While quick to change direction, lacks speed to keep up with opposing players. Unable to create turnovers without poking opposing players in eyes. Cries like baby when scored against.
Defensive awareness: Routinely confuses football defensive tactics with basketball defensive tactics; once insisted that he shouldn’t be ejected from a game because a tackle wasn’t of the “horse-collar” variety.
Post defense: none.
Intangibles: Does not inspire teammates. Is not an intimidating presence on-court. Fans generally throw things on the court when he enters the game.
Overall: Serge has no business entering any kind of draft, much less the NBA’s. He would be hard-pressed to earn a spot on Peninsula Catholic High School’s girl’s basketball team. Even the Atlanta Hawks would take a pass on him.
Projected selection: Hell no.
NBA dreams: Shattered.
