Uninformed and Misguided Picks for College Football Which You Should Never Ever Use For Any Purpose Ever, Bowl Edition: Part the Last

The last gasp of the 2012 college football season is upon us. I’m satisfied with my winning record for picks this year, but I don’t think I’ll be betting in Vegas any time soon. I’m sure my record against the spread would be abysmal.

Get your college football in now, because it will be many long months of asinine realignment talk and coaching changes before the first batch of games for the 2013 season begins. In the meantime, I suppose I’ll watch basketball or start going outside on Saturdays or something.

On a final note, I’ll leave you with the proudest moment of this year’s edition of Hokie football:

Vanderbilt over NC State: As I write this prediction, Vandy is leading State 31-14 midway through the third quarter. I know I’m late, but I’m still counting this as a full win when it happens. Only counting it as 3/8 of a win would be absurd.

USC over Georgia Tech: I saw a CBS promo for the Sun Bowl bill this game as exciting. I thought there were rules against outlandish and untrue claims in advertising.

Iowa State over Tulsa: Hurricanes going up against Cyclones; may the best violent weather pattern win.

LSU over Clemson: I’d feel better about the competitiveness of this game if Clemson had given South Carolina any kind of game in their last contest of the regular season. Also, given this is the Chick-fil-A Bowl, I’m going to take some time to address Chick-fil-A. Mr. Chick-fil-A, why the hell aren’t spicy chicken nuggets a reality yet?

Oklahoma State over Purdue, Mississippi State over Northwestern, South Carolina over Michigan, Georgia over Nebraska: Perhaps a fitting end to the Big Ten’s lackluster season would be batting 0-for-5 in their remaining bowl appearances. It also doesn’t look good for subsequent years outside of Ohio State.

Stanford over Wisconsin: I’m sure the Big Ten was hoping it could dress Ohio State’s players in Wisconsin uniforms, and have the Undercover Buckeyes win this game. Afterward, interim coach Barry Alvarez tears his face off Mission Impossible-style in the post-game interview, revealing Urban Meyer, and Jim Delany laughs a maniacal laugh.

Florida State over Northern Illinois: I know I’m picking FSU, but c’mon Huskies, shock the world. Well, not the world, really. No one outside of college football circles is probably aware of the implications of this game. Even the implications of an NIU win would really only be felt in college football circles, and will have a marginal effect on the world at large, if at all. You won’t shock the world, NIU, but by all means, shock us. Shock us.

Florida over Louisville: The Gators should dominate, but only its defense will. The score will be something like 14-10, but it won’t seem that close.

Kansas State over Oregon: Something tells me Old Man Snyder has a few tricks up his sleeves to stop Oregon’s bullet train of an offense.

Texas A&M over Oklahoma: Old conference foes square off. I’m picking A&M because SEC membership has magically granted the Aggies ESS EEE SEE SPEED Y’ALL, and thus gains a significant tactical advantage over any other football program.

Ole Miss over Pittsburgh, Kent State over Arkansas State: Providing these picks just for the sake of completeness. I’m not watching either of them.

Alabama over Notre Dame:

Last Week: 8-10. Season: 128-82.

Uninformed and Misguided Picks for College Football Which You Should Never Ever Use For Any Purpose Ever, Bowl Edition: Part the First

It’s that time of year again, when I suddenly remember there’s still a big college football game left to play, and several other meaningless ones! Welcome to the first part of the bowls picks. I’ll cover all the bowls up until New Year’s Eve here (i.e., the boring ones). Part two will come on or around New Year’s Eve, covering the national title game and the other not-quite-as-boring ones.

Arizona over Nevada, Utah State over Toledo: We kickoff the bowl season with the New Mexico Bowl and the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl, played in those great winter getaway destinations Albuquerque and Boise! (grumble grumble too many bowl games grumble grumble).

San Diego State over BYU: Moving on to an actual warm weather destination, the Poinsettia Bowl in San Diego. This is essentially a home game for SDSU, so…wait! I went to an Aztecs game last season, and it was like a mausoleum. OH GOD PLEASE LET ME TAKE MY PICK BACK PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

Ball State over UCF: Power Rankings of Bowls Involving Foodstuffs:
1) Chick-fil-A
2) Sugar
3) (Tostitos) Fiesta
4) Gator (yes; fried gator is tasty)
5) Outback
6) Kraft Fight Hunger
7) Little Caesar’s
8) Buffalo Wild Wings
9) Cotton (because who wants to eat cotton?)
10) Beef O’Brady’s

Louisiana-Lafayette over East Carolina: Easy travel for the Ragin’ Cajuns to get to the New Orleans Bowl, but no ECU fan should pass up a winter trip to the Big Easy. Not only is the game in their backyard; UL Lafayette is also responsible for this beautiful, terrible thing that pushes fast food toward the great unknown:

Boise State over Washington: Six bowl games in, and the Las Vegas Bowl is the only matchup so far that I would consider tuning in to. I have a hard time seeing how a team that loses to Washington State wins here. Or in other football games. Or in life.

Fresno State over SMU: If you must watch college football on Christmas Eve, you can’t do any worse than the Hawaii Bowl. Because you can’t. It’s the only game on.

Western Kentucky over Central Michigan:  As Little Caesar’s is, such is the Little Caesar’s Bowl. Sure, it’s pizza, but somehow remarkable in how unsatisfying it is. Sure, it’s football, but somehow remarkable in how unsatisfying it is.

San Jose State over Bowling Green: Or is this the Little Caesar’s Bowl? Oh, it’s the Military Bowl. Perhaps I’m being too harsh; San Jose State is one of the better stories of the season, going from completely inept to a 10-win season and – as of today – a spot in the rankings at #24.

Cincinnati over Duke: New Cincinnati head coach Tommy Tuberville dined and dashed while hosting recruits at Texas Tech. That’s ok. He did the same thing to me, and he never returns my calls. I miss him.

UCLA over Baylor: Thank Christ, a football game that I’d actually enjoy watching! This year’s Holiday Bowl will probably have a thousand touchdowns, and after sitting through the dregs that are the two games listed immediately above, this will be a pleasant relief.

Louisiana-Monroe over Ohio: But oh, there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth come the next day, as the Independence Bowl gives us this stinker.

Virginia Tech over Rutgers: And no one outside of Hokies and Scarlet Knights circles will care about this one too much either. Fortunately for me, I will be watching, if only to put a last happy face on a disappointing VT season. If it happens, I’m counting this as an ACC win over the Big Ten, because it needs all the help it can get. What doesn’t need help is the Russell Athletic Bowl’s Twitter, which routinely posts gems such as the following:

We're trying to get an accurate preview of the game so tonight we're gonna let a turkey loose inside Medieval Times more news as it develops

—
RussellAthleticBowl (@RussellAthBowl) December 07, 2012

And this lovely two-parter:

Grandma says we can't have any more overnight guests, so you should probably check out russellathleticbowltravel.com for a place to stay.

—
RussellAthleticBowl (@RussellAthBowl) December 11, 2012

DOROTHY ATHLETICBOWL IS A SAINT RT @jerkwheatery: what about your mom's place?

—
RussellAthleticBowl (@RussellAthBowl) December 11, 2012

Air Force over Rice: Air Force pretty much has to win the Armed Forces Bowl, right? In other thoughts, I can’t wait for space travel to take hold, and the Department of Defense establishes a Space Force, and said Space Force establishes a Space Force Academy, and said Space Force Academy establishes Space Force varsity football, because SPACE FORCE.

West Virginia over Syracuse: It’s Big East throwback day in the Pinstripe Bowl, in what’s now a current Big12 vs. future ACC matchup. Remember when WVU was in the national title discussion and Geno Smith was the best thing ever? Seems so long ago. Also, I have more thoughts on SPACE FORCE. It seems like SPACE FORCE would be quite adept at running an Air Raid attack, but how tough would its defense be considering a lot of training takes place in zero gravity?

Arizona State over Navy: Instead of writing about the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl, I’m going to fight my own hunger by making myself a sandwich. ZING!

DISCLAIMER: NOT THE ACTUAL SANDWICH I ATE.

Also, how would the whole Commander-in-Chief Trophy thing work out once SPACE FORCE joins Division I football? A round robin between Army, Navy, Air Force, and SPACE FORCE might be too unwieldy, especially with Navy and Air Force having full conference slates.

Oregon State over Texas: And honestly, which conference would SPACE FORCE be in? If the SPACE FORCE Academy was on the moon, which conference would SPACE FORCE play in? Would its stadium be on campus? Would it look like this? I hope it looks like this:

Would SPACE FORCE be a good fit for the SEC? How could SEC fans travel there for a road game? You would have to explain to them the concept of space flight, which would be quite the chore. You would have to teach them literacy first, and, ho-ho, good luck with that.

TCU over Michigan State: Sorry, realized I went off on a tangent there and didn’t talk about the games. Honestly though, I’m gonna watch basketball instead of this one, and you probably should too.

Last Week: 8-3. Season: 120-72.

Uninformed and Misguided Picks for College Football Which You Should Never Ever Use For Any Purpose Ever, Week 14

More schools changing conferences this week: the ACC essentially trades one big-time donor (the Under Armour guy from Maryland) with another (Papa John from Louisville). Assuming the ACC had a serious case of the munchies, this works out great for the conference. The Big East responds to the loss of Louisville and Rutgers by adding Tulane and East Carolina, the latter being a football-only member. Tulane’s addition, along with San Diego State’s and Houston’s joining and its Northeastern contingent, gives the Big East multiple ports all over the country. Navy’s addition as a football member in 2015 gives the Big East more than enough to protect their new ports, which is an extremely good strategic move in advance of the Great Conference Wars that are sure to arise out of all of this realignment. Perhaps the Big East is more forward-looking than we all gave them credit for.

This is the last full week of college football before bowl season; after this, there will be one more excruciatingly long bowl season post, so I’m going to keep this one short.

Rutgers over Louisville: This de facto Big East title game becomes a Big Ten-ACC matchup in the near future. Louisville will soon realize that once one joins the ACC, one’s ability to win big nonconference football games disappears.

Northern Illinois over Kent State: Unfortunately for the Golden Flashes, their BCS hopes come to an end here. Perhaps this is good; any team that gets blown out by Kentucky of all teams can’t be that good.

Stanford over UCLA: A repeat of last week’s game in the Pac-12 title game. UCLA wins this week, but Stanford claims the championship on aggregate score. That’s how it works, right?

UCF over Tulsa: The Tulsa Golden Hurricane mascot looks like it was designed by people who have no idea what a hurricane is. Given the number of hurricanes that hit Tulsa, I totally understand.

Oklahoma over TCU: Not quite sure what to write about here, so let’s talk about VT basketball! I’m glad to see the team has moved away from Seth Greenberg’s “pass the ball around until the end of the shot clock and take a bad, contested midrange jumper” offense. The win over Iowa aside, victories will be tough to come by for a team with only eight scholarship players, but damned if this up-tempo seven seconds or less offense won’t be fun to watch.

Arkansas State over Middle Tennessee: I think one or both of these Sun Belt teams will be in Conference USA soon. I don’t know. I don’t care.

Alabama over Georgia: The national title play-in game, and also the SEC championship on the line. I assume the Georgia cheerleader on the right is holding the one on the left in captivity with her massive, muscular bearpaw. I would attempt to rescue her, but I am frightened.  (image from Saturdays down South)

Nebraska over Wisconsin: And now we get to the conference title games on the undercard. If you like 7-3 puntfests, then by all means, watch this game.

Florida State over Georgia Tech: Don’t watch this game under any circumstances. Go outside. Get some air. Socialize.

Kansas State over Texas: If K-State wins, the Big XII is all theirs. Given Texas’s quarterback woes, this should not be a problem.

don't tell david ash he can't hit the broad side of a barn he can hit it fine the barn just plays for the other team

—
Martin Rickman (@martinrickman) November 23, 2012

Navy over Army: Should be 11 in a row for the Midshipmen. With the way so many schools are changing conferences and moving to Division I, does the Coast Guard Academy want to get in on the football craze? The Big East is looking right at ya.

Last Week: 13-9. Season: 112-69.

Uninformed and Misguided Picks for College Football Which You Should Never Ever Use For Any Purpose Ever, Week 13

By chasing two mediocre schools near major ports, we may now confirm that the B1G is a cover for methamphetamine empire.

—
  (@edsbs) November 17, 2012

I had a turtle once, too, Big Ten. You'll forget to feed it, just like I did.

—
sir broosk (@celebrityhottub) November 19, 2012

The Increasingly More Inaccurately Named Big Ten is set to add Maryland and Rutgers in the near future. As much as tradition is getting trampled on, I don’t blame the schools for moving on to a much bigger payday. In Maryland’s case, the move was out of necessity. After being forced to cut 7 sports teams due to years of athletic department budget bungling, it would be unwise to turn down Jim Delany’s $100 million “come-hither” look. Most solutions to budget mismanagement that doesn’t involve fees and taxes being slammed on students and state taxpayers is a win.

Throwing out the fiscal perspective and seeing the world only through sports, this move doesn’t make sense. By moving to a conference whose core is in the Midwest, Maryland loses its longstanding rivalries with more geographically-aligned schools. Maryland-Duke has grown into one of the ACC’s best basketball rivalries, and its unclear whether the Terps wish to continue annual games against Virginia.

Instead, Maryland gains annual trips to the Midwest, where it can compete against the likes of Minnesota and Indiana (though given the recent performance of the Terps’ football squad, this may be a blessing). Throw in traditional powers Ohio State, Michigan, Nebraska, Penn State, et al, and one feels it will take a while for Maryland football to compete at the top of the Big Ten, if at all. Its men’s basketball program will be better off, and should be right up there with Indiana and Michigan State at the top of the conference from the get-go.

Maryland also gets to renew its football rivalry against Penn State, but I use the term “rivalry” loosely: Penn State leads the all-time series with a 35-1-1 record, with Maryland’s only win coming in 1961. Other than the Nittany Lions and Rutgers, there are no other obvious geographic football rivalries that exist or that can be developed over time. It will be a long time before we see if Maryland can develop conference rivalries in the Big Ten that have the same fervor of those it leaves behind in the ACC.

But let’s abandon the idea of conference realignment destroying traditional rivalries by celebrating college football’s rivalry week! On to the picks:

Texas over TCU: Wait, shouldn’t the Longhorns be playing A&M? Oh conference realignment, why can’t I escape your cold, slimy tendrils?

Nebraska over Iowa: Here’s a feel-good story for conference musical chairs. The second Battle for the Heroes Trophy begins, and Iowa will continue not to win it this year, or any year for a long time.

LSU over Arkansas: The prize: the Golden Boot. The following is presented below without comment:

(image from @thekeyplay)

Utah over Colorado: The Rumble in the Rockies is another example of a dormant rivalry renewed by the Pac-12′s finagling. The Buffaloes pray for a swift, quick end to a terrible season.

Washington over Washington State: The Huskies and Cougars battle for the Apple Cup. I am confused and infuriated that I can not find a picture of the trophy, and whether it is filled with delicious apples. Instead, here’s the first image that popped up in GIS:

Arizona over Arizona State: The winner of the Duel in the Desert gets the Territorial Cup. I’m not sure how one would fit a Territory into a Cup, but let’s not think about that question and let GIS do the thinking for us instead:

Virginia Tech over Virginia: The Hokies have won the Commonwealth Cup in the last eight matchups. In what hasn’t been a banner year for either of the state’s FBS programs, at least one constant still remains.

Northwestern over Illinois: These schools play for the Land of Lincoln Trophy. Were Abe Lincoln alive today, he, like the rest of us, still wouldn’t care about this game.

Georgia over Georgia Tech: It’s Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate folks, and perhaps the most malevolently named of all rivalries. Both are winners of their respective conferences’ divisions, but that’s about all that’s in common between the two. Final score: Bulldogs a lot, Yellow Jackets not nearly as much.

Ohio State over Michigan: I really really want Michigan to win this one, because no one wants Buckeyes everywhere to incessantly claim a national title.

Indiana over Purdue: The look and quality of the Old Oaken Bucket reflects how much the fanbases of each team have diverted their attention to basketball. Sure is a lot of Golden P’s, though.

Tennessee over Kentucky: Now a battle for a giant beer barrel, I can get behind! Unfortunately, while the Battle for the Barrel keeps its name, the giant trophy was discontinued after 1998′s game.

Oregon over Oregon State: The Civil War loses a bit of its luster after Oregon’s loss to Stanford last week, but both remain in the hunt for a Pac-12 North division title and a Rose Bowl berth. The Beavers have put together an unexpectedly great season, but Oregon will want to make up for lost points after only putting up 14 last week against Stanford.

Oklahoma over Oklahoma State: There will be lots of points to be scored in this year’s Bedlam game, and I’m not sure what the final result will be. I’m going with Oklahoma, only because that’s what I typed out first.

Florida State over Florida: First team to ten points wins.

Alabama over Auburn: Auburn might have a chance in the Iron Bowl if NO THERE IS NO HOPE ROOOOOOLLLLLLLL TIIIIIIDDDEEEEEE

Southern Miss over Memphis: First win of the year for Southern Miss in the Black and Blue Bowl? Only because I can’t bring myself to pick Memphis in anything football-related. Shocking though, that a team that finished 12-2 last year only has one more chance to pick up a single victory this year.

Stanford over UCLA: UCLA has already locked up a Pac-12 title game berth. If Stanford wins in the Rose Bowl this Saturday, they earn the right to play UCLA in the Rose Bowl again. Win again, and they get to play in the Rose Bowl again. Got it?

Clemson over South Carolina: The Palmetto Bowl participants battle for the Hardee’s Trophy. I’m not opposed to the name given the state’s restaurant selection, but the Waffle House Trophy is probably more appropriate, and free hash browns for the winning team seems a better prize.

Mississippi State over Ole Miss: Now we’re getting to the point where I can’t think of anything to write, so it’s throw “Ole Miss” into the Google machine and pick out the best picture time:

USC over Notre Dame: I know the uncertainty and chaos this will bring. I know this means a likely SEC vs. SEC matchup in the title game. I know people will hate it. I know I will hate it. But something weird needs to happen this Saturday, and this feels like it will be it.

San Jose State over Louisiana Tech: A fond farewell to the WAC. Though Utah State locked up the Forever WAC Conference Champion title last week, this should still be an entertaining nightcap for this week’s college football, and a good sendoff for a dying conference.

Last Week: 5-6. Season: 99-60.

Uninformed and Misguided Picks for College Football Which You Should Never Ever Use For Any Purpose Ever, Week 12

Perfection is something rarely achieved in life, but at the moment the LSU-Mississippi State game was officially in the books, I achieved just that. 9-0. Not a single game picked incorrectly last week. I cringed when Northwestern nearly knocked off Michigan, but celebrated when they choked. I wailed when Oregon State seemed to put its foot down on Stanford, but wiped away my tears when the Cardinal came back and won. And finally, I announced myself Lord and Ruler and Genius Football Prognosticator when Texas A&M showed ESS EEE SEE fans that those newfangled spread hurry-up offenses can work in the best conference in the country.

Due to unforeseen life events, this will be an abbreviated picks post. No jokes and college football-related minutiae farmed from the interwebs, but that doesn’t mean you should take these any less seriously. As last Saturday showed, I am clearly a friggin’ super advanced college football game-picking robot from the future, and therefore you should heed my advice lest I decide to divert my football forecasting powers to enslaving humanity or something.

Bowling Green over Kent State

Rutgers over Cincinnati

Central Florida over Tulsa: Oh ok, one observation. Earlier this year, UCF alum and San Diego Charger Atari Bigby did the greatest Sunday Night Football player intro ever. Bravo, Knights.

Virginia Tech over Boston College

USC over UCLA

Clemson over NC State

Oklahoma State over Texas Tech

Wisconsin over Ohio State

Louisiana Tech over Utah State

Oklahoma over West Virginia

Oregon over Stanford

Last Week: A spotless, blemish-free 9-0. Season: 94-54.

Uninformed and Misguided Picks for College Football Which You Should Never Ever Use For Any Purpose Ever, Week 11

Despite a valiant effort, Virginia Tech lost to Florida State last night, thus bringing Hokie Nation one step closer to the ouster of the Stinespring-O’Cain-Newsome three-headed monster that is responsible for VT’s offensive woes. It’s like Cerberus, but not nearly as fearsome, and without the knack for play-calling. You’d think the guardian of the gates to the Underworld would have a knack for defense, but damn, does that dog know how to draw up a pass play!

Let’s get to the picks, shall we?

Texas over Iowa State: We’ll start out this week with class, and Texas coach Mack Brown has lots of it this week with the way he’s decided to honor legendary Longhorns coach Darrell Royal, who passed away earlier this week.

Today we mourn the loss & Sat we celebrate. We'll wear a DKR decal on our helmet & we'll honor coach by lining up in wishbone to start game

—
Mack Brown (@UT_MackBrown) November 07, 2012

USC over Arizona State: Now let’s move on to less classier territory. The Trojans dismissed an equipment manager who purposefully under-inflated footballs used in the Oregon game. I’m sure he didn’t get that idea from the same coach who had players switch numbers without telling anybody.

Michigan over Northwestern: Gaudy 7-2 record there, Wildcats! Upon closer inspection though, Syracuse, Vanderbilt, Boston College, South Dakota, Indiana, Minnesota, and Iowa aren’t that impressive. I am only occasionally guilty of padding my picks W-L record with some cupcakes, but I am shocked and appalled at the nonconference schedule there.

Stanford over Oregon State: Watch this game for a sneak preview of the teams Oregon will score 80 points a piece on in its remaining games!

Oklahoma State over West Virginia: Earlier this year, this may have been a Game of Compelling National Interest because of the explosiveness of both offenses, its place late in the schedule, and the potential of both teams. Now, both sit at 5-3 overall. Still tune in for a points-plosion.

Nebraska over Penn State: Penn State has quietly put together a solid season with no postseason to play for. Nebraska is the frontrunner in whatever the hell that one division is called in the Big Ten, but my eyeballs and my brain have not been impressed with the Huskers this year. I’d change my pick, but I really don’t want to use my backspace key. So lazy.

Texas A&M over Alabama: This is the “shocking” pick that I make in good fun, and I’m sure all Alabama fans will be reasonable, rational, and laugh along with the joke.

Kansas State over TCU: Regardless of Collin Klein’s health for this game, K-State wins easily. TCU is starting a redshirt freshman quarterback who has gotten progressively more inaccurate with each game, and the Wildcats are certainly not a little league defense.

LSU over Mississippi State: Where’s your brain, Les?

There it is! Yay for you!

Last Week: 10-3. Season: 85-54.

Uninformed and Misguided Picks for College Football Which You Should Never Ever Use For Any Purpose Ever, Week 10

We’re headed to the home stretch of the college football season. Alabama, Oregon, Kansas State, and Notre Dame are the pick of the football litter at the moment. One or more of these teams likely has a loss in them somewhere between now and December, but who will be playing for all the marbles in January?

If I had to take a wild guess, I’m thinking Alabama and Notre Dame is the most likely title game matchup, but, yikes, I am not happy about it. Not only would it be a 55-14 snoozefest that only the state of Alabama will be happy about, we would all have to deal with “Notre Dame is Back” for the month leading up to the title game. I don’t want that. You don’t want that. My personal preference would be to have a classic “good vs. evil” battle. Kansas State is led by an old, good-natured, likable, extremely competent football coach who led a dormant program to the national scene, retired, watched the program sink again, then unretired and has guided the Wildcats back to the top. A national title after beating one of Alabama or Notre Dame would make my day. Barring that, Oregon and Alabama would be great, if only for the slight chance of seeing Nick Saban concede that up-tempo spread offenses are not the abomination he purports them to be.

However, if my picks this year are any indication, none of those teams will be playing for the title, and somehow we’ll end up with a Kansas City Chiefs – Clemson title game. (Pick Clemson.)

Oklahoma over Iowa State: Only picking this game because I need a cheap win. I swear, Sooners, if you screw me on this one I will never forgive you.

Texas A&M over Mississippi State: After an easy opening act, Mississippi State continues its end-of-year gauntlet. Turns out the Aggies aren’t doing too bad at this SEC football thing.

West Virginia over TCU, Texas Tech over Texas: A one-for-the-price-of-two Big XII blurb! Of the two disappointments highlighted here, only West Virginia gets a win.

Georgia over Ole Miss: Do you get the feeling that this feels like a game Georgia somehow loses after beating rival Florida? Yeah, me neither. Speaking of Georgia-Florida, BONUS “THIS GAME WAS SO BAD” TWEET:

If #UGA and #UF combined QBs, they might have someone half as good as Sean Glennon.

—
Joshua DeLung (@joshuadelung) October 27, 2012

C’mon. You’re giving Sean Glennon way too much credit.

Brent Pease, Florida OC, he needs to go sit in a shame closet on an ice block & think about what he did.

—
Michael Felder (@InTheBleachers) October 28, 2012

Nebraska over Michigan State: No ideas for jokes for this one. I just found out Darren Sproles will not play this Monday, which puts a hassle on me to find another running back for my fantasy team this week. So there’s that.

Clemson over Duke: Also including this because I need to pad my win total. And, with a shameful glare directed at the ACC, this is a key game in Duke’s quest for an ACC title game berth.

Oregon over USC:

Oregon has to beat Ric Flair? RT @Quizz79: OR passes the eye test vs weak competition..to be the best you need to beat the best!

—
Andy Staples (@Andy_Staples) November 02, 2012

Good luck, Ducks. One of the first things to pop up in a Ric Flair Google image search is him in USC-ish colors.

Kansas State over Oklahoma State: Actually, of all college football coaches, Mike Gundy would make the best professional wrestler.

Alabama over LSU: Upset special! Not because of the pick, just because it will be another field goal trading sleeper.

Boise State over San Diego State: Future Big East opponents square off! I certainly hope generations of young children don’t try to learn U.S. geography from college football.

Oregon State over Arizona State, UCLA over Arizona: Why? Because I joked on Alabama last week, and Arizona is the next state in alphabetical order with Division I football teams – both of which I can comfortable pick to lose! But Alaska, you have not dodged the bullet, for you do have Division I hockey squads. As a bonus, I am picking the Lake Superior State Lakers over the Alaska-Fairbanks Nanooks this Saturday.

Last Week: 7-6. Season: 75-51.